I for sure, don’t remember much about this year. A lot of this is my fault. I’ve been trying to get my footing in this PhD program, and it hasn’t been easy. I got hit with a big ole dose of apathy (aka depression) towards the middle of my second semester, and have been trudging through it for the past few months. Taking this look back is partly for the blog, but mostly for me! Let’s uh, let’s see what happened –
Last winter I wrote about how I needed to create some routines to be my best Beyonce. I did not create those routines. You will see the results of my disastrous attempt by Fall.
Crazily enough, after months of stress about wrecked finances and an impossible rental market, I moved out and got my own apartment.
Oh, that dog? That’s Snooky. She came into my life in March. She’s brought out the best in my caregiving skills and the worst. I can’t stop giving her treats! She’s just too darn cute! I started writing about some more personal stuff, like about hair or romance. After seeing so many magnolia trees in the park during my walks with Snooky, I wrote about one of my favorite Jorge Ben Jor songs. And then something about science and my place in it. I finished the semester.
Summer is kinda where things go awry. Like many PhD students, I had a 9 month contract, and very few businesses are willing to hire graduate students for two months or so in the summer. I took a job working on campus for the summer, but the work wasn’t consistent enough to thrive. Either way, I did some research and presented at a conference in Nevada, so that was fun. I also read a book with my dad. I also wrote a book. I tried to imagine new faces while reading it.
Since the summer, I haven’t really posted much. My lack of routines and hobbies caught up with me, and I was utterly miserable by October. My advisor told me that my depression was probably linked to feelings of alienation, something in me was dying to be heard, but I wasn’t listening. She said that I shouldn’t sacrifice to be in the program, and I needed to live my life and be a student at the same time. I’m still unsure about what that means, or how to do it. So much so, that the idea of returning to campus for work tomorrow morning is scaring me a bit. But I’ve got to try. I still want to be in the program and dedicate myself to learning, but I don’t know how to do both at the same time.
This year, I’m going to try to implement some real changes. These new years resolutions are not just for fun, they’re for survival. I’ve got to incorporate pieces that make me feel like a full person. Arts, hobbies, habits, and friends. How to do it on my meager salary, I’m not soo sure!
And that’s that. Thank you for coming along with me. Here’s to more adventures in the future!
Happy New Year!