If you’ve been wondering what was up with the blog, where I was, what I’ve been doing – well, dear reader, I’ve been moving.
Hows and Whys
The move wasn’t significant in scale or distance. A short half hour from where I was before, from the suburbs to the urban. Where the move was significant, however, is in the hows and whys.
How, you might say, isn’t she a broke PhD student?
Yes, indeed, I am. I am a broke PhD student, with enough debt and loans to survive me into the next century (okay, I’m exaggerating, the next five decades). It is at once these debts that broke me last year that propelled me into this venture.
The Whys are complicated. My sister and I finally moved apart, and thus, for the first time, I have my own apartment.
It feels like my first trip abroad at 15. It feels like when I first drove my car off the lot (please don’t crash, please don’t crash). It feels like…a lot. It feels like a lot.
On one hand, I’m elated. I have my own space to shape into my own image. I’m slowly packing it with plants, texture, and smells. On the other, it’s stressful – decorating is hard, buying a sofa is a necessity, and my apartment is real old. It’s got real old problems.
The experience of moving and making these empty rooms into something wonderful has been fun, stressful, expensive (WHY ARE CURTAINS SO MUCH MONEY?!?!), and illuminating. I ask myself all the time why I like what I like, why I need to have plants in certain rooms, why my utensils have to be rainbow colored.
It’s also been frustrating and exhausting, and practically everything has suffered as a result. I’ve been falling behind in school, falling behind socially, and my wallet is tired y’all. I’ve felt sleepy and tired all month, as I struggle to get used to new noises, new levels of sunlight, a new commute, and so on. I’ve been building furniture, budgeting, setting up my own damned wifi, trying to stay on top of schoolwork, working on my job(s), going to extracurricular lectures which are not actually extracurricular – I’ve been falling asleep solidly at 8 or 9 practically everyday of the week since the move. Virtually unheard of for me.
I’m not exactly present right now. I’m just tired, y’know. The things I enjoyed doing before, I can’t imagine myself having the time for now. I want to read, watch movies like Roma, and enjoy my thoughts for a while, but I just can’t. I’m just tired. I’m hoping Spring Break will allow me to catch up on some much needed Zs, some much needed leisure time, and a moment to let my existential dread dissipate as I relish in my own existence. Also therapy. I haven’t seen my therapist in weeks, where is she?
All in all, though, I adore my new apartment and neighborhood. My sister is just up the street, so we kinda want for nothing when it comes to being apart. Also, she lives near a Korean grill and sandwich shop, so, I’ll be there often.
I’m excited to get back to writing and sharing and chatting with you all again. Follow me on Instagram for the little trinkets that make my home, home, I’ve been posting about them bit by bit. Now that I’m properly set up, it’s you all too.
(I had to wait to get tools to fix the end knobs on my bed frame. They’re fine now!)
You’re always invited (‘cept not right now, I still don’t have a couch, hasn’t been delivered yet),