It’s interesting, I’ve never felt more untethered or confused in my life. It’s a deep, practically existential madness of having all the options in the world, and lacking the wherewithal to commit to any and be satisfied. What is satisfaction? What is contentment? Am I on the right track? How do I know if this track is mine and not someone else’s?
The lead up to graduating with my Master’s was swift and rushed and chaotic. I wasn’t sure I was graduating until the day before, and even then I was in disbelief as I lined up for Pomp and Circumstance in the rain with my peers. Not even when someone adjusted my hood behind me, or when I was passed a little flag to swing around during the ceremony did I accept it as a fact. As a result, my new, school-free life feels like I was born again. I didn’t see it coming, it was something that just kinda happened to me, and now I’m in a new, post-graduate world where I’m just trying to figure out who I am and what to do.
I got to thinking about A Ticket for Two.
Initially, this blog was a travel diary, meant to assuage the fears of my parents and family as I studied abroad in Brazil. I presented to them a sanitized version of events, not bothering to mention any bad times or uncomfortable moments. I didn’t want them to worry or feel bad. I wanted everyone to know that everything was perfect and fine. A fact I’m attempting to rectify recently.
I want to be a more honest writer. I want to a bit more of an adult with this. I want to be a bit braver.
I mean, a blog is only as honest and real as its writer and I think y’all can handle the truth.
So maybe, just maybe, as time goes on, as I attempt to eek out an existence I’m comfortable with and settle into a job that I can afford me the cat and/or dog I deserve, this blog can become a greater reflection of me -like my iPhone, with those Safari tabs I never close and the photos in my Camera Roll.
So as an update, expect this blog to get a little more honest in the future. Maybe we can have a better conversation about life, travel, feeling awe, feeling uncomfortable, feeling grateful, and enjoying the world.
Oh, and I’ll be going to France at the end of the summer, so there’s that too.
See ya soon,