As part of my goal to write, think, speak, and listen to more in the languages I study (especially as I become further removed from classes) I thought to introduce a section of my blog in which I write in Spanish and Portuguese. Y’all can correct me on my grammar and word usage, as I’m still certain that I think in English and then translate, and we can get some sort of trilingual dialogue going on. This first post is about the birthday I celebrated last week, and how much I’ve changed in the past year.
A semana passada, eu cumplí 27 anos. Eu tive uma festa pequena, menos oportunidades para desastre. Invitei meus amigos ao restaurante coreano, Honeypig, um dos meus favoritos, e comí muito. Meus amigos me rodearam em amor, e sintí muita adorada.
[Last week, I turned 27 years old. I had a small party, less opportunities for disaster. I invited my friends to the Korean restaurant, Honeypig, one of my favorites, and ate a lot. My friends surrounded me in love, and I felt loved.]
Durante la cena, empecé pensando sobre el año pasado. Haber dejado una vida entero, con oportunidades increíbles, pero donde yo sentí como estaba me ahogando. En mi vida nueva, mi vida española, yo podría empezar de nuevo. Empecé con enfermedad, con yo me revolcando en mi cama con la intoxicación alimentaria. Mi amiga Anisa, presente a mi cena, me ayudó con fruta, agua, y apoya general. Después, cuando me sentí mejor, ella me acompañó en la ciudad para una fiesta. Mis primeros días en el extranjero fueron llena de desaventura, experiencias, y sensaciones nuevas. Estaba aprendiendo como navegar todo solo, pero yo tuve amigos que yo pude me depender en.
[During the dinner, I started thinking about the past year. I had left behind a complete life, with incredible opportunities, but where I felt like I was drowning. In my new life, my Spanish life, I could start again. I started sick, with me rolling around in my bed with food poisoning. My friend Anisa, present during my birthday dinner, helped me with fruit, water, and general support. Later, when I felt better, she accompanied me to the city for a party. My first days abroad were full of misadventures, new experiences, and sensations. I was learning how to navigate it alone, but I had friends that I could depend on.]
Quando me acetei ao meu programa doutorado, eu senti muitas emoções. Agora, eu posso processar como eu senti com uma perspectiva diferente, mas no momento eu senti um pouco triste. A liberdade eu senti no estrangeiro não e nunca senti nos Estados Unidos. Os momentos breves quando foi me livrei das expectações do mundo, responsabilidades, e os demônios pessoal – eu pude sentir os escorregaram da minha mão. Esteve em conflita, quis a oportunidade, mas eu quis minha vida no estrangeiro também, e não poderia ter ambos.
[When I was accepted to my doctoral program, I felt many emotions. Now, I can process how I felt with a different perspective, but in the moment I felt a little sad. The freedom I felt abroad I had never felt in the United States. The brief moments when I felt free from the expectations of the world, responsibilities, and personal demons – I could feel them slipping from my hand. I was in conflict, I wanted the opportunity, but I wanted my life abroad as well, and I couldn’t have both.]
Meu tempo a Espanha passo muito rápido. Voltei aos Estados Unidos com um plane – trabalhe um pouquinho antes do ano escolar e assistir universidade sem problemas. Mas…
[My time in Spain went by very fast. I returned to the United States with a plan – work a little before the school year and attend university without problems. But…]
¡Hube problemas! ¡Muchos problemas! No quise pensar que he cambiado durante el ano en el extranjero, pero yo sentí diferente. Los estados unidos fueron diferentes, la trayectoria de mi vida fue diferente, y la magnitud de mis decisiones me pesaron en mis hombros como un yunque. Yo supe que yo tive que me ayudar a mí mismo, que me salvar, alcanzar mi potencial más lleno.
[I had problems! Many problems! I didn’t want to think that I had changed during my year abroad, but I felt different. The United States was different, the trajectory of my life was different, and the magnitude of my decisions weighed on my shoulders like an anvil. I knew that I wanted to help myself, to save myself, to reach my fullest potential.]
And so, I’ve started going to therapy. I’ve joined groups on campus. I’m putting myself out there to fully immerse myself, not just in my university, but in my life. My friends, my family. I want 27 to be a year of transformation, love, and growth. To do that I have to not only reflect on my past but make meaning (shout out to my therapist!) of my present.
So, let’s make this year mean something.
And feliz cumpleaños, bom aniversario, and happy birthday to me.